Signs that it is difficult for you to set a boundary
Boundaries. A word that is starting to become used regularly in social media and by friends and family around us in our daily lives. It can be difficult to know what it means to set a boundary and how to go about doing it. Many of us don’t know that we have an issue with boundaries at all. Instead what we often feel is overwhelming guilt and/or difficulty saying “no” or expressing ourselves. We know that certain people’s emotions or energy drains us but we aren’t sure how to change it.
Here are some signs that setting boundaries might be challenging for you:
Saying “no” gives you a lot of anxiety so you often find yourself doing things that you don’t want to do
It is difficult to meet your own needs because others needs often come first
You feel A LOT of GUILT especially around certain relationships
You feel drained by others emotions and energies and find it difficult not to take them as your own
You find it challenging to express yourself or speak your truth
Difficulty setting boundaries can often get in the way of living the kind of life we want to live. We may feel so consumed by guilt that it’s difficult to feel present. We may feel resentful towards others in our lives for infringing on our personal space. Or we may feel burnt out and exhausted from over committing ourselves and not meeting our own needs.
The reason why many of us find it difficult to set boundaries often goes back to lack of boundaries in our own families. We never witnessed our setting boundaries and most likely our parents didn’t allow us to have boundaries. We may have lived with a parent who had very strong emotions and reactions to our boundaries so we learned it is not safe to set them. We may have became really good at reading the room and anticipating others reactions and we anticipate someone might feel disappointed or sad it feels like TOO much for our nervous system and not safe to set a boundary.
The good news is that as we begin to access what I call “our wise adult self” setting boundaries begins to become easier. We can re-teach our nervous system that it is actually safe to set boundaries, allowing us to live a life more in alignment with how we want it to be (instead of in reaction to others).
If you find it difficult to set boundaries, we can work together one on one to discover practical tools for setting boundaries and shifting your nervous system into a more parasympathetic state.